1. |
Why Have you Gone?
02:15
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Why have you gone?
Two years already gone.
I still recall a vivid picture.
One with color, vibrance, and contrast.
Our life together, but more importantly, yours. The one you have lost.
I want it back, I want our lives.
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2. |
47 Years Stripped Away
12:00
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Today I lay restless, hysterical, and nauseated beyond control.
Today is the day I was brought to this world, offering it nothing in return, a true condemnation.
Two years of pure fucking agony it has already been.
There’s nothing I want more than to see your luminous smile.
I know you didn’t want to leave.
We tried all we could, you tried your hardest.
Why would God have chosen you? It doesn’t make any sense.
You were so thoughtful, vigorous, and perfect.
I know you did not want to leave, why would God have chosen you?
6 months of misery for you has led to a wasted 45 years for me.
After 2 years of what I already thought could be the lowest my life can get, he won’t respond to me, nothing.
I yearn for a glimmer of hope, but I feel a my life has been stripped from me.
My life stripped from me, leaving me cold, empty, and worthless.
I don’t know what to do.
I reach out for help, society, hot lines, a deity.
No response, I’m worthless, I’m dead in everyone’s eyes.
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3. |
Faded Days
03:16
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4. |
Please Respond
08:27
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I try, but I get no response.
I beg for God to rid this pain.
An affidavit to my own well-being that may never be answered.
If not for me, then for that who I’ve brought into this world, 18 years ago.
The only thing that keeps me in contentment to this day.
I am not worthy of such a selfish request otherwise, to benefit my life to serve my selfish comfort.
A trudge worth marching.
I want you in my life.
Please respond, I need you.
With palms clasped shut and eyes sealed closed, I beg for God to rid this pain.
A deafening silence consumes me, it engulfs me.
This silence consumes me.
I beg for God to rid this pain, I beg for your divinity.
I want, I need you.
I’m left cold, numb, hanged to dry.
I see no light, no miracles, no salvation.
Why do I get no answer? I believe in you, I repent, I love you.
Please respond.
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5. |
I Don't Want This
11:40
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After 2 years of what I already thought could be the lowest my life can get, he won’t respond to me.
I reach out, with open arms, but just like prayer, I get no answer.
I know you blame me for your loss, our loss.
I don’t understand why, but I already accept it.
My pain is like a cancer in metastasis, spreading throughout me further with each passing day.
I am a prisoner of my own mind.
My thoughts racing a mile a second.
I am shaken and on the edge.
Constantly anxious and constantly sick.
I am a hollow, vestigial remnant of my former self.
Wallowing in a pool of vomit.
I function on prescribed chemicals, I’m hardly even human.
How can my son even accept me, a drone mentally enslaved by a daily capsule.
Wallowing in misery.
I don’t want this, my life. All I want is you.
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6. |
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7. |
I'm so Proud of you
13:07
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I don’t blame you, how can I?
I am dead weight, I would hold you back.
I am hardly even human, at least functionally.
Wretched piece of fucking shit.
Blemish on this gracious world.
Disgusting excuse for a father.
I can’t believe that I made you.
The only thing part of me worth anything.
Disgusting excuse for a loving father.
You’ve grown to be such a great person, accomplishing so much at such a young age.
If only your mother were here to see how much you’ve grown, you’ve came so far.
Things were so much better when it was just the three of us.
First her then now you, involuntary or not, gone.
It’s just down to me, my instability, and 40 ounces of false happiness.
I don’t see a point in continuing.
I can’t go on, I won’t go on.
I should just end it, I mean, it would be so easy.
A defect of evolutionary biology that can so easily be put to rest with only 9 millimeters of metal that can fit into the palm of my hand.
A permanent solution, I’ll be doing the world a favor, I’ll be doing you a favor.
For whatever it’s worth, just know that I love you, and that I’m so proud of you.
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